“It’s Only Words”

Over the past several months I have started playing “competitive” scrabble in a Columbus area Scrabble club. “Scrabble Lovers of Columbus”. This includes using a clock which gives each player a total of 25 minutes, playing with challenges and all other official rules including the use of the official scrabble dictionary (current 2014 edition) . While I always thought I was a good player , I have found playing competitively a humbling experience and have lost the vast majority of the time (though the games have usually been relatively close) . One thing I have learned is that my vocabulary with regard to strange and unusual words (never found in books or discourse ) – the so-called “scrabble” words,  is generally weak.

So as a public service to aspiring Scrabble players (or really mostly for me), this blog post presents a bizarre dream which uses many new words (51 to be exact) that you probably won’t see anywhere else other than on a scrabble board on Monday nights or Saturday afternoons in Columbus. And to make reading it a little easier, I have provided definitions along the way.

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Last night I had the strangest dream, perhaps due to the chubaso (violent thunderstorm) outside. I jotted down what I could in my cahier (notebook) using flokati (Greek handwriting) ….My dream began as I was trying to sell my kylin (composite mythical animal) to a knacker (buyer of old livestock) ,who was oddly resting on an exedra (curved bench). He was telling me that he didn’t buy such things, when an exequy (funeral procession) passed by. I mistook it for a klatsch (social gathering) until I saw the body of the kabaka (Ugandan emperor) being pulled in a wagon by an eohippus (an extinct horse) with muscids (flies) all about. Immediately behind was a pyknic (a broad stocky person) who I recognized as Idi Amin. He was shouting that he was the most eximinous (excellent) kabaka with imperia (absolute powers) and pointed to a qadi (Muslim judge) as confirmation. I found this odd and stared, though I admit my view was obscured by some maquis (thick underbrush).  

Nonetheless, Amin noticed me and approached and demanded to know my quaere (question). He yelled ” I will peen (beat with non-flat end of a hammer) you” brandishing a hammer as he approached. He noticed my kylin and the knacker and demanded to receive my kain (tax paid in livestock). The knacker was silent in a muzzy (confused) samadi (yoga concentration) or perhaps practicing ka (spiritual self in Egyptian religion). I fumbled thru my pockets and handed Amin ten khoums  (Mauritania money) and twenty qurshes (Saudi money). He scowled so I gave him six qindars (Albanian money) and seven leus (Romanian money) and fifteen buqshas (Yemeni money) instead. His anger only increased so at last I found and gave him fifty eyrirs (Icelandic money).  “Ah I feel cooler already” he said under the scorching sun.

Just then, a small gosson (boy) approached. “May I join your polyadic (group of three or more)?” A vrouw (Dutch woman) accompanied the gosson and then bizarrely they both chivareed  (sang a mock serenade) the Carpenters song “Close to You” to the three of us. Just then an etesian (annual recurring wind) or really a buran ( violent wind) bent the nearby quandong (Australian tree)  grounded the queleas (African weaverbirds), oxpeckers (African birds) and the avadavats (small songbirds), and ripped the eyrirs from Amin’s hand. Amin yelled to the vrouw “Quaen,(harlot), faineant (lazy person) get my eyrirs! ” and grabbed her gamb (leg). The vrouw screamed “I am not your factotum (employee that does multiple types of work) get your own eyrirs” .   Amin brandishing the pointed end of his hammer screamed back “I will kerf  (make an incision with a cutting tool) you, quaen” . 

I turned to the knacker and said “This must be a dream, as it is completely atactic (showing no regularity of structure).” But the knacker was still in a state of ataraxia (peace of mind). So I ate his bap (small bun or roll) and drank from his quaich (small drinking vessel). Just then a bhut (small whirlwind) accompanied by a bolt of lightning struck Amin, and with the metal hammer providing multiple mhos (units of electrical conductance) , the chronaxy (time required to excite a nerve cell electrically) was quick. Amin fell instantly , his last bilabials (sounds articulated with both lips) were incoherent.

And then I awoke.