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“Another Auld Lang Syne” Dan Fogelberg

January 1, 2014

Last year I blogged about New Year’s Resolution’s and in the spirit of trying to be more successful this year than last I have decided to make these resolutions BEFORE or at least ON New Year’s Day this time.

First, however a report on how I did with my “14” resolutions for 2013. (NOTE: While I said  in my January 2013 blog post that I had 14 resolutions, clearly my ability to count was compromised as my post shows no #7, probably reflecting my inability to meet resolution #4 which was “limiting myself to two alcoholic drinks per day”).

So how did I do? On the YES side, I give myself a total of 8 resolutions that I accomplished:

#1 “Lose the same percentage of my weight” as the federal budget was cut in 2013 – Since this turned about to be very small, this was pretty easy. Of course next year due to the relaxation of the sequester the budget is going up again, so watch out dessert tray!

#7 There was no #7, but it’s my blog so I will count it if I want to!  (in the immortal phrasing of Lesley Gore).

#3, #9, #11 and #12 I exercised regularly. I worried less. I actually did enjoy life more, spent more time with family and friends and volunteered more.

#13  I promised to be “upbeat” as long as “the President and Congress didn’t do anything stupid” – This meant I could be as downbeat as I wanted to be as “stupidity” was the watchword for the federal government in 2013!

#14 I promised not to make “14” resolutions this coming year. Since I have already shown I can’t count, I have a much shorter list this year.

However, on the NO side  I count 6 resounding NOs!

#2. I will not eat desserts or sweet snacks. The exception to this will be chocolate which has been clinically proven to be good for you. and of course, I will have to make an exception on my own birthday. Further, since I don’t want to be a spoil sport, I will also make exceptions on my wife’s birthday, my two daughter’s birthdays and other important birthdays such as Washington’s, Lincoln’s , Eric Clapton’s, Jimi Hendrix’s, Paul McCartney’s, Derek Jeter’s etc.

Despite the many exceptions to this rule provided in my resolution and though I am not a big dessert eater, the holidays more than killed this resolution off. In the future, I have decided to disown all friends and relatives who send us chocolates, cakes, cookies, pies, lumps of sugar , sacks of sugar, 20 lbs. of butter and large tubs of lard. So sadly NO on this one.

#4.  I will limit myself to no more than 2 alcoholic drinks a night. However, I will have no limitations on wine or beer.

Even with the beer/wine exemption, I still had more than a few days that I violated this. (It really wasn’t fair because sometimes there simply wasn’t enough beer and wine in the house. ) So I am afraid (hic) that (hic) this is a (hic) NO!

#5. I pledge to tell my wife at least once a week ” You look mahhvelous!” Using my best Billy Crystal accent.

My excuse is that Billy Crystal is “so 1980s”, which even for me seems pretty old. (Though to be clear, 1980s MUSIC is NEW wave, 60 and 70s is classic rock and 50s music is old ). So, definitely NO on this one and, amazingly, I am still married.

#6. I will try to dress more fashionably this year so that my daughters no longer exclaim “Oh Dad?!” when they first see me. (My wife seldom complains anymore as she has largely given up).  However, I refuse to go clothes shopping with my family.

Do nice sweat pants count? If not, then another NO.

#8. I promise not to get too overtly upset ( no cursing!) when any of my favorite sports teams ( Yankees, NY Giants, Stanford and OSU) loses. Thankfully, these teams win most of the time, otherwise I would probably have a coronary.

OK, this was clearly a definite  NO. First of all the Yankees and Giants were mostly bad this year and so yelling , screaming , vitriol, beer bottle throwing and worst of all, sarcasm was common in my household.

Second, though OSU basketball and football was very good this year, the football team’s defense left itself open to considerable sarcasm on my part. This occurred particularly during the OSU-MSU championship game when I found myself commenting after OSU’s woeful pass defense was torched for 34 points by a team that only scored 12 versus Minnesota the previous week that “OSU’s plan to fix its pass defense was to tell all of its defenders to stay at least 10 yards away from the players they were covering”.

10. I will love my enemies just as much as I love my family and friends during 2013 and be nice to them. (However, I will still hope that they rot in hell.)

I wasn’t really serious about this resolution. Well, I was serious about the “rot in hell” part, but the rest of the resolution is ridiculous so NO.  

This meant I met 8 out of 14 resolutions or almost 2 out of 3 which to quote the great philosopher, Meatloaf “ain’t bad”. (Okay, my math is terrible I admit, but I did say almost and I am writing this on New Year’s eve).

Resolutions for 2014

  1. I will try to post at least 20 times during next year or roughly once every 2-3 weeks ( I managed to post 23 times in my first year of blogging in 2012 but only 14 times this past year). Of course, I will change this resolution if my “fans” (???) so demand. (My kids telling me to stop embarrassing them does not count, however).
  2. I will not mock the President, the federal government and Congress for their inability to cut profligate spending, inability to deal with entitlement spending, reform the abhorrent tax code and their inability to do anything useful. (Hmm….this resolution sounds like mockery already)
  3. I promise to not totally freak out when I turn 60 in May.

OK at least I have a shot at meeting #1. Meanwhile, everyone have a great New Year and remember to start writing 2014 on your checks!

From → Humor

4 Comments
  1. Courtney permalink

    I really enjoyed this!! It made me laugh. I don’t read all your posts, but most. You are a smart and funny man, Uncle Bruce. :). Happy New Year!!!

  2. Joyce permalink

    Happy New Year, Bruce! Looking forward to 20 posts this year!! Happy Anne is still married to you!!

  3. Kris McKinney permalink

    Thanks for doing this. I always enjoy it.

  4. Thanks Courtney, Joyce and Kris for the support. I am glad you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it!

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